Saturday, December 17, 2011

Some recipes.

Walmart Curry

Ingredients:

-- bag of frozen chicken (Any part of the bird you like. I usually use breasts because they require no preparation aside from cutting up to add in last.)

-- can of coconut milk

-- curry powder

-- frozen vegetables (I use the stir fry mix but sometimes use a peppers and onions mix that's awesome.)

-- optional ingredients --  crushed red pepper, minced garlic, water chestnuts, diced potatoes and/or bamboo shoots.

Preparation:

Put chicken in 350-375 degree oven. Pour stir fry in a pan. Add curry powder (as much as you want.)
Walk away for 45 minutes to an hour. Don't turn the burner on until the chicken is about halfway done.
Turn the burner on medium and thaw the vegetables. When they're thawed pour in the coconut milk. Turn the heat to low.
When the chicken is done chop it up and throw it in the pan with the vegetables.
There's your fucking dinner.
It took almost zero skill and is healthier than a McGangbang.

I don't know the macros of this dish, nor do I care to get them because it's real food and they're not important when your dish consists of nothing but meat, vegetables and fat.

Also, if you want to substitute something for the chicken do so. This would work with beef or fish.

 This dish takes about an hour to make but you don't have to tend to it for about 45 minutes of that time.



Breakfast Meal that isn't fucking Pop Tarts

Ingredients:

-- sausage

-- frozen peppers and onions (or fresh ones if you have the time.)

-- 3-6 eggs

-- optional ingredients -- potatoes, (I will sometimes use frozen, diced potatoes) spinach, and/or sweet potatoes (surprisingly, these work well.)

Preparation:

Put sausage in a pan. Turn heat to medium. If your sausage has a lot of fat, drain some off. When the sausage is about halfway done, add the peppers, onions and potatoes (if you're using them.) When the sausage is done and the potatoes are soft add your eggs. This is where most people mess up because they don't know how to cook a fucking egg.
Turn the burner to low. Not medium. Low.
Let the eggs cook slowly. If you have a lid, use it-- cover the pan and turn the burner almost off, stirring/turning occasionally. This should take about 10 minutes but the eggs won't be rubbery and burned.

This whole dish should take no more than 25-30 minutes from start to finish.
If you don't care about carbs, put this in a tortilla and add salsa.

I know sausage isn't the finest of meats, but it's better than Pop Tarts...
You could definitely substitute steak, chicken or some other meat for the sausage and it would be just as awesome.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

If You're Paying Attention to Details, You Already Fucking Suck

Let me tell you a story about "Dedicated Gym Guy."

Dedicated Gym Guy never missed a workout. He never skimped on his warmups. He probably had his nutrition "dialed in." (WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT MEANS)

I'd see Dedicated Gym Guy milling back and forth across the gym, completing maybe 4-6 sets of various lifts over the course of about 45 minutes to an hour. The rest of the time he was there, he did endless sets of prehab, rehab and various other bullshit that did absolutely nothing. He did endless sets of scap pushups and shoulder dislocations with a band to ensure optimum shoulder health, OBVIOUSLY.

The most I ever saw this guy lift was 115. He benched it. With a fucking arch.

He used perfect form on every single lift. Perfect. Fucking. Form.

I saw him over the course of about 6 months. I haven't seen him in a while.

The moral of this (true) story is:
Don't be a fucking pussy and waste your time on details.
Dedicated Gym Guy was so overly concerned with executing his 3 rep set of 115 pound bench presses correctly that he completely missed the "strength" portion of strength training.

I'm sure he weighed all of his cage-free, free-range, grass-fed, fuck-faced food., completely ignoring the fact that he could not have weighed more than 135... if that, even. (Side note-- A future post may be in the works, detailing what a complete and total sham the "organic" food industry is.)

My advice to those like Dedicated Gym Guy: EAT A FUCKING PIZZA AND LIFT WEIGHTS UNTIL YOU FIGURE IT OUT.

Getting caught up in the details will only make you fucking suck.
Go ahead, keep trying to make everything perfect.
Plan on being a tiny and weak human being for... the rest of your life.


HAVE FUN SUCKING YOU SPINELESS MORON (Picture unrelated)



    

Monday, October 3, 2011

Beginners

Let's clear some stuff up; Most of the posts on this blog are not, in any way, geared towards beginners. What I post is basically aimed at intermediate to advanced lifters. If you struggle to squat 1.5 times bodyweight or can't bench bodyweight, this blog isn't for you. Stop reading it if you're impressionable.

I have some experience with rank beginners. My girlfriend became interested in serious strength training in the last 8 months or so. (By 'serious' I mean interested in acquiring strength, not just doing basic barbell lifts with light weight just to say you 'lift'.)

Hitherto training my girlfriend, I had no experience with starting someone from scratch. I knew what to do, but theory and practice are 2 different things.

I had her squat, press and deadlift with pullups mixed in.
The squat and press were for 5 sets of 3. I know that seems backward when compared to most beginner routines, but my reasoning is sound-- why induce fatigue when one's goal is strength? Sets of 5 aren't necessarily cardio or anything, but form is more easily maintained with lower rep sets. Also, heavier weights can be used. The emphasis is strength, so form is maintained and heavy weights (relatively speaking) are used-- win-win. Her sessions are not about conditioning and "feeling the burn," so form is pretty important. Coupled with the fact that she's under comparatively heavy loads, the importance of ingraining proper positions during the lift increases considerably.

I had her up the weight by 5 pounds when 5 reps on the last set were achieved.
Deadlifts were for singles. Again, this may seem odd, but it has worked really well. Each rep is 'fresh' and usually very good. Her DL session would look like this:

55-65% of work weight for either 3 singles or a set of 3 (depends on how proficient the lifter is with deadlifting.)

65%-70% for 3 singles.

75%-80% for 3 singles.

Work weight for 5 singles. Note: the last single weight is usually added, resulting in a PR, but if the lifter is very tired, or struggles with the 4th single, either the last is skipped entirely or the weight is kept and repeated next week, with the aim of adding weight to the 5th single.

She has been working on the same few lifts for months, and the results are good.

This brings me to the two most important part of this post: consistency and adaptation.

The biggest mistake a beginner can make is doing what others are doing. Reread that very carefully if you're new to lifting or teaching someone that is. With the preponderance of misinformation on the Internet, the worst thing a beginner can do is imitate what accomplished lifters are doing.

Why this eludes so many is truly beyond me.
Stephen Hawking didn't completely skip every grade and start being a fucking genius one day. Lance Armstrong didn't get good at winning bike races by casually entering the Tour de France one weekend with his Huffy. Arnold Schwarzenegger didn't start bodybuilding with a routine consisting of 65 different movements 7 days a week.


Accept the fact that you're a beginner and build a base. Let the adaptation process run it's course. It's ridiculous when someone new to lifting tries to tackle an advanced program with zero base of fitness under them. Doing quarter-squats with 185 and cheat curls with 25 pound dumbbells isn't going to do shit for you.

Go ahead, copy the Bulgarian system and max out every day. Or copy the routine of an advanced bodybuilder that has them lifting 7 days a week. I mean, there's no reason you can't do it... they just have years (and sometimes decades) more experience under the bar building their base of fitness.
 The more you do, the more your gains will soar!!!!11!

Obviously no base of fitness was established... Arnie just started doing curls and DB flies one day and stepped on stage.


Obviously the above paragraph and photo caption were sarcasm, but people actually think like that. So, how should a rank beginner set up a program?

Start with a few core lifts (some kind of push, pull and squat) and work them once or twice a week. Now, that means different things for different people. My girlfriend is still progressing on the overhead press, squat and deadlift routine, doing a session containing the squat and overhead press on one day and the deadlift only on another (because the lift is so taxing.)
Progress is pretty steady with her, so why change it? If your pull movement is lighter, (something like rows or pullups comes to mind) then throw it in on your squat and OH press day. This comes out to 1-2 days of actual lifting. Absolutely shocking you actually have to start somewhere to get anywhere. Radical concept, really.

Your reps can vary depending on your goal but make sure you have some sort of progressions scheme. I like the 'add 2 reps before you progress' system for beginners because it builds confidence and makes upping weight less intimidating.

If progress is being made, stick with what you're doing--don't change it. Reread the last sentence.

When progress stops (on most, if not all lifts) for 4-8 weeks, reassess what you're doing. If you need a form fix, do it and continue. If progress hasn't been made then you may need to add a day. Continue indefinitely.
This process takes years. Most people don't think that way because of how fast everything happens these days, but that's the way it is.

Constantly changing lifts and programs is a great way to fucking suck.
Adaptation is what you want, but if you're forcing your body to try and ingrain a new lifting pattern every 2 weeks, how far do you think you'll get? That's like switching majors every year and expecting a degree. Master a few lifts. Adaptation is adding weight to the bar (or gaining mass, depending on your goals [obviously I have a strength bias.])

So, if you're just starting out, get with (and stay with) a fucking program and prepare to spend the next few years building your base.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

The Final Deal With It: Muscle Bewilderment and The Shit in This Post is so Obvious it Doesn't Need to be Said.

Whatever you did today in the gym, continue to do it for the next 6-8.

Fuck what you read about changing programs and "shocking your muscles."

Get better at a few lifts, and when all your lifts look identical, from warm up to heavy single, then hammer the volume when you feel up to it.

Programs are written to be four weeks because that's when the new issue of "Men's Health/Muscle&Fitness/etc" hits magazine racks.

The people who are the strongest/fittest/etc stick with the basics. There are no exceptions to that.

Got a bar, plates and a rack?

Clean and press and back squat every day for the next 6 months.
I guarantee you'll be stronger than you are now by the end of it.
If you can't clean the bar, just press from the rack and do pullups throughout the day.
If you're cleaning and pressing, only do singles. Back squat should be kept in the 1-3 range.

Pressing from the rack? Keep the reps in the 1-3 range.
As for pullups, do half of your max reps 2-5 times a day. Or you could set a total number of reps to hit  and do them in as many sets as you want throughout the day.

No equipment?
Go push your car, then, push it backwards, facing away or pull it walking backwards.

No car? Live in a big city where you'd get arrested for pushing a car around? Amish?
I'm not really into BW-only routines, but simplefit seems to work pretty well. One of the moderators ("cheapo") managed to make some remarkable progress simply by sticking with the routine and not program hopping after 6 weeks. (www.simplefit.org)

Love bodyweight stuff?
Pistols and muscle-ups for the next 6 months.

Live in an apartment?
Get something heavy (sandbag would be ideal in this situation) and hold it in the Zercher position. Walk up the stairs. However many flights it takes. If taking 1 step at a time is easy, do 2 steps at a time. Keep everything tight. I usually hate lunges because people wobble and shuffle around swinging and bending over but holding the weight in the Zercher position keeps you upright and walking up the stairs keeps your foot movement more "mechanical." When you get to the top get the bag in the press position and press it overhead. Reps will depend on the weight in the sandbag. Stick with strict overhead press or push press. Don't call your loose-as-fuck-sad-excuse-for-a-power-jerk a press if it isn't strict.

"But what about my upper back and scapula retractors and shit pulled from a physical rehabilitation clinic?!"
Have you ever held anything in the Zercher position?
Your upper, mid and low back will be worked, along with your biceps.

Food:
Eat real food. Food doesn't come in a box or ready-made.
3 times a day. Want to gain weight? More times a day. Want to lose weight? Fewer times a day or less food.


---EDIT---
If anyone actually goes forward with a "black and white" program (focusing on a select few lifts and hammering them frequently), let me know and keep me updated.


Stop switching programs to avoid adaptation.
Adapting is what lifting weights is about.
You wasted too much time already. Changing lifts because you stagnate for a week or two. You probably kid yourself into thinking this is some form of 'periodization' or 'cycling.' It isn't.

"Once your shoes are on the platform and the hands touch the bar your time for thinking is over."
                                                                                                       --Donny Shankle
Just. Be. Better.
        
        
        

Thursday, June 9, 2011

I Just Can't Let This Idiocy Slide Under the Radar

Apparently, fitness needs to be marketed so heavily that it necessitates music videos.
I can't wait for this trend to expand and spawn a Crossfit movie.
Or maybe "P90X-Men."
"Zumba Warriors."

Without further deliberation, the TacFit music video:




I guess TacFit can make you look like a high school stoner who skateboards.   
   
    
   

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Yo Bro

If I weren't doing the routine I'm currently doing (Squat, clean & Olympic Press) what the fuck would I be doing?
Well, I'd do some lifts that I really enjoy.
Those lifts are:
The incline press, the T-bar row and the squat.
To you bros out there that don't plan on competing in anything and simply lift for recreation, these lifts cover pretty much the trifecta of qualities gym rats desire: aesthetics, a pump and respect in the gym.

The Incline Press:
The incline press distributes the weight throughout the shoulders and chest, as opposed to the flat bench, with uses mostly the pecs to drive the weight up.
(Of course this is a generalization-- the triceps, front delts, upper back and legs also drive the weight, but for all intents and purposes, the flat bench is a "pectoral dominant" lift.)
Personally, I like to use the same grip I use on overhead press (shoulder width), which spares the shoulder joint and puts a lot of stress on the triceps.
Bill Starr is a big fan of the incline bench, and actually had it in the original "Strong Shall Survive" routine, but the paucity of incline benches in high school football training facilities forced him to alter the routine to feature the flat bench as the primary pushing exercise.

The T-Bar Row:
I'm not talking about the machine.
I've never used one and don't ever plan on doing so.
I'm talking about the barbell-in-the-corner/grappler T-bar row.
The T-bar is pretty much the exact opposite of the incline press in terms of pushing/pulling, which will keep things balanced.
I'm sure someone out there is crying about chinups/pullups, but take a look at guys doing chins with huge weights-- they're not very big.
Now, look at a (lean) powerlifter-- they're usually pretty dense motherfuckers.
Normally I recommend singles and working to max lifts, but rows are an accessory lifts and nothing more. Going for a 1RM T-bar row would just make you look like a jackass... so don't do it.
Sets of 3 and up are usually pretty good.
Strip sets are pretty effective with the T-bar row-- do a set, take a plate off, do another set, take another plate off and so on until there are no more plates.

The Squat:
Nobody respects a "Captain Upperbody."
Enough said.
Back or front, or both. It doesn't matter, just take it to full depth.
Reps: whatever you feel like. Maybe try max effort front squats followed by a high rep set of back squats.
Don't do the opposite-- high rep front squats aren't that great. Your upper back fatigues and rounds over before your legs are taxed.
You could cycle max effort front and back squats or just do one variation.


As far as frequency goes, just do what you feel like. For some that's 3 days a week, others that's every other day and for some people that is every single day.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Overtraining

My face when I read about "overtraining."


 Here's an Anthony Ditillo article that was mentioned the Pendlay's forums.


I had read it before, but it's always interesting to reread Ditillo's stuff.
The best line in the entire article is:

" I am NOT going to tell you a fairy tale about 5 sets of this and 3 sets of that..."


Yes, overtraining is make believe.