Deal With It 5: Nothing but a Barbell

Let's entertain the "YO, YOU'RE STUCK ON A FUCKING ISLAND WITH NOTHING BUT A BARBELL-- WHAT DO YOU DO?!" scenario.


You paint a fucking face with your own blood on the plates and then proceed to lift them.
But instead of an innocuous-looking face à la "Wilson" from Castaway, draw something more like this:

Now that your barbell is decorated with demon pictures, you must decide how you're going to lift it.
This scenario precludes normal back squatting, so that's out. You could deadlift a lot, but that would probably end pretty quickly, seeing as how fast the low back fatigues.
You could squat clean the bar and then do front squats but most people can't squat clean (or power clean) enough weight to make a challenging front squat.

Personally, I'd go with the Zercher squat. I've done them and they're pretty fun. You can't handle as much weight as you can in the traditional back squat or deadlift, but they compliment both lifts well.


If you don't know how to do them watch this video:

Notice his depth-- most people just tap the top of their thighs with the bar, cutting the range of motion off. This guy goes all the way down. That's my preferred method of performing Zerchers (as with any squat.)
And yes, they are painful at first, but you'll just have to deal with it.

Dr. Steve Brule agrees.

So, you've got what equates to a squat and a pull: the Zercher squat. Your back must isometrically contract to hold the weight, and that's on top of the deadlift to start each set (or each rep, if you prefer that method. [I know what I said about high volume deads, but in this case, due to the leveages of the lift, the percentage of your deadlift 1RM being used will be within a manageable range.] )

Now, you could do nothing but zercher squats, but why not make things more interesting with an upper body-centric lift?
You could clean and press/push press/etc if you knew how to clean.
If you do "football cleans" (bar lifted and then purposefully bounced off thighs, legs shoot out into sumo stance, bar is caught with wrists and back is bent back under the weight) then you have no business attempting any technical lift.

So, what do you do if you can't clean the weight?
Floor press, that's what.
I don't think I need to explain this lift.
I'd use a medium grip keep the reps low.

Personally, I'd probably go with the "belly toss bridge press."
You're probably wondering what the fuck that is.

Essentially, it's a "hip thrust" to a floor press.
Here's a description from OldtimeStrongman.com

    "The 'bridge press' was an early precursor to the modern bench press. In this case though, no  bench required and the bar began on the abdomen and was heaved to begin the lift. The lift         was also aptly referred to at times as "the belly toss." 
 
This is not something I'd do in a gym.
Ever.
But remember, we're on an island with a barbell, and if boredom sets in you might go insane and jump off a cliff or let the seagulls eat you alive.
Think of it like a horizontal clean and press.
Your hips and low back throw the weight up while your upper body press the weight.
I know many "old time" lifters would do this in the true bridge position, but I'm sure as fuck not going to throw several hundred pounds over me while balancing on my head.
That's just stupid.


Both of these lifts look extremely applicable to wrestlers.
I haven't ever wrested, (or practiced any combat sports, for that matter) but I do know that the hips and the ability to hold an opponent are very important, both of these are accomplished with the zercher squat and the bridge press.

These would work with a barbell, a sandbag or maybe even a keg.
Even if these lifts never become an integral part of your training, give them a try, if only to see what it would be like to not have a lot of the equipment you might currently use.